Are you sure you want to delete your account?
You have indicated you do not agree to our terms of use, do you wish to delete your account?
Why not sign up?

You will also be registered for the agent to contact you via other means you provide, with information relevant to your property search.

There was an error creating your account, please try again. If the problem persists, please contact us and we will investigate.
Password does not match
How would you like to be contacted?

Light Hearted Take On Estate Agency Jargon

A-Z of high street estate agent jargon: what they say and what it could mean

A is for Airy
‘A light and airy apartment’ = ‘Broken windows and a hole in the roof’

B is for Bijou
‘With a bijou kitchen’ = ‘Good luck if you own more than one set of plates’

C is for Close
‘Close to the sought-after area…’ = ‘Wrong side of the tracks’

D is for Desirable
‘The property is in a desirable location’ = ‘You’ll probably get gazumped’

E is for Eclectic
‘Eclectic interior design’ = ‘Hope you have a hefty redecoration budget’

F is for Friendly
‘Located in a friendly area’ = ‘You’ll be under 24/7 surveillance from nosy neighbours’

G is for Garden Level
‘This garden-level lower ground property’ = ‘This gloomy basement flat’

H is for High Quality
‘High-quality fittings throughout’ = ‘Has the second-from-cheapest IKEA fittings’

I is for Ideal For
‘Ideal for a first time buyer’ = ‘Just how desperate are you to get on the property ladder?’

J is Japanese Knotweed
‘It used to have a small issue with Japanese Knotweed but it’s all sorted now’ – ‘In few months it’s going to look like Day of the Triffids again around here’

K is for Kitsch
‘With kitsch décor throughout’ = ‘Everything is brown and made of Bakelite’

L is for Low-Maintenance
‘A low-maintenance garden to the rear’ = ‘The garden is made of concrete’

M is for Mezzanine
‘An attractive mezzanine level’ = ‘Odd space that’s totally impractical’

N is for No Onward Chain
‘No onward chain’ = ‘Don’t ask about the previous owners. Just don’t’

O is for Open Plan
‘Living room features an open plan kitchen’ = ‘Your sofas will will forever stink of home made curry’

P is for Potential
‘This property offers bags of potential’ = ‘Do you have endless time, money and patience?’

Q is for Quaint
‘A delightfully quaint cottage’ = ‘The Romans got by without windows, why can’t you?’

R is for Reduced
‘Reduced for a quick sale’ = ‘We’ve been trying to sell this for ages. PLEASE someone buy it’

S is for State-of-the-Art
‘With state-of-the-art features’ = ‘The equipment was the latest stuff when installed in the mid 90s’

T is for Three Bedrooms
‘This property has three bedrooms’ = ‘This property has two bedrooms and a largish cupboard’

U is for Up-and-Coming
‘Located in an up-and-coming area’ = ‘A grubby burger joint just got a good review in Time Out so it’s only a matter of time before Waitrose moves in’

 V is for Viewing Recommended
‘Early viewing is highly recommended’ = ‘We’re pretending these pictures don’t do the property justice and they don’t. It’s much worse’

W is for Well-Connected
The property has well-connected transport links’ = ‘It’s under a flight path and there’s a motorway outside your front door’

X is for X-Factor
‘The bedroom has the X-Factor’ = ‘The bedroom is unbelievably tacky’

Y is for Youthful Atmostphere
‘The local area has a youthful atmosphere’ = ‘Watch out for the teenage muggers on mopeds’

Z is for Zoopla

‘We’ll advertise your property on Zoopla’ = ‘We’re too stingy to pay for adverts on Righmove as well’